yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
