Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize