To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize