Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
