I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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