I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
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