Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
