is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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