When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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