You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
