Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize