Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
