She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
