took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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