I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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