i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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