I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Randomize
