We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
