I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize