Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
