He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize