so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
