enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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