Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
