I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
