You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
