it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
