i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
