what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
