omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
