My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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