then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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