he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
honey bunches of taint.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
