tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The air was thick with penises
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
