Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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