just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
