I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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