why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
