Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have fence marks all over my body
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
