sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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