He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
