She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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