so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
