It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
