so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Your penis caused this!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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