im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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