bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
