Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
