he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
