i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
