U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Operation Purity has been aborted
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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