Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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