my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
