we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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