i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
