So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
