MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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