i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
