I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
