dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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