I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize