i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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