I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
